Zindagi Everyday

 Logging back into my blogspace, I am not surprised to see many of the blogs which I follow have not gotten updated long back. So the question arises in my mind about the future of the blogging, Is it really worth continuing the blog, pouring your heart out which usually comprise of our very own experiences, feelings, thoughts, opinions, kids and lot more including what is happening around us, ofcourse if its not a technical blog, or some current topics running through.
Even though the blogger space is mostly anonymous writing, but still it strikes a chord with the readers out there. The essence of blog comes from readership only, the readers inspire the bloggers to write. But today's scenario is more of BLOGGER vs VLOGGER. I myself am guilty of being in this VLOGGER viewership category. No doubt today there are videos available on Youtube on almost every topic one can think of. And no doubt to view something done infront of our eyes makes it easier to follow and engage. Since these days I am more inclined towards home management, home decor, easy peasy cooking and other household related stuff, these vloggers and their videos make things really inspiring and easy to follow instead of reading n number of articles on the internet. As I am talking about it, let me not forget to mention some of the Youtubers I rely on to get my work done in organised and efficient manner which in turn makes my home life a bit easy to manage. Truly they are doing some mind blowing practical work. Kudos to them.

Youtubers for Home decor and organisation: 1) Home Hashtag Life by Jaya
    Link :https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChRqqBs8rIfR2x8Mtak6IFw

2) Simplify Your Space
    Link: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2GT4HiSvUipWNwcWUM7iJQ

3) Bowerspace
    Link: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkcu-cMKC67Db0AsQwu-aUg/featured

4) Cooking time With aakanksha
    Link: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxoqijukm8u4OiDHAIYFkxg

Youtuber for Cooking 5) Nisha Madhulika
    Link : https://www.youtube.com/user/NishaMadhulika

Youtuber for tips about beauty,haircare etc 6) Ghar Grihasti
   Link: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVfaSe1Mv2y_Xn-ZGYv5Yqw

Okay, so after going all gaga over these efficient and gorgeous youtubers, let me get back to my post content. So this thought about the relevance of this blogging space is creating so many conflicts in my mind. One of the concern also includes about the privacy. Though I like to make a note of almost every significant step in my parenting journey but I think its kind of not ok to share the kiddos pics, habits, activities etc.Though this very thought kills the main objective of my blog, but taking a far look its obvious that after few years I won't like to share my life here citing the vulnerability on the internet. So, now the question arises, what I am going to blog about here if not parenting. And for sure, as of now I don't have an answer handy with me. Lets see what comes up in this space next time . And yes continuity also is a serious factor to be taken care of and that's an area which really needs to be worked upon.


Image Courtesy : Google images

Well after almost a year long hiatus I decided to peek into my blogspace .Lot of things have happened in between, some are happy, some are trying, some are memorable, some are haunting, and the list is endless. Here I definitely want to share somethings which are really dear to me. Hope that doesn't make you go all sleepy as its a longggg post :D

1) From past more than one year, I have got associated with 'CUEMATH' where I teach mathematics to kids from grades UKG- 8th. And so far this is the most satisfying, engaging, and honoring work I am doing in my life till now. The corporate career which I had was never satisfactory to me. I always thought that may be I have ended up in wrong profession, I never found myself fitting in it. Well, let me hold my zodiac responsible for doing all this locha(blunder) in my head. Being a Gemini, I really can't find stability in one thing, and this insists me to be on look out for new things from time to time, and I trust this fact completely since I have changed my career choices too :D

Jokes apart, I really learnt a lot from my corporate life. My survivor skills , flexibility, adaptability, emotional stability all are the gifts of that life. But deep inside I never liked my work( just like every other person in IT profession). I wanted to do something which can interest me, and give a feeling of contentment. For sure before the previous year, I never thought that my this search of contentment will be fulfilled in teaching kids. The earnings can never be compared as now I work for contentment, but yeah leaving a full time job do sucks at financial front.

I can surely say, Cuemath is one of the best things happened to me. Initially I had my doubts if I will be able to teach since I never had teaching in my mind. But thanks to Cuemath support, my efforts, family support, and my first few students and their parents who trusted me and handed their kids mathematical journey in my hands, today am really PROUD of myself. In current scenario, people recognise me in my locality , this recognition I have not got while I was working full time, nobody knew me, but now my family is known by my name and work. The appreciation the parents and students have towards me as a Cuemath teacher is something which keeps my spirits high and motivates me. Parents come to my  home with their kids with an expectation that I will mentor them and lay a strong foundation of their educational journey. That feel is beyond explanation when people respect you and your work. I stay at home, manage my family life my kid, and do my work in my comfort level. All I can say is I AM LOVING IT ( touchwood touchwood).
Well this moral boost has also inspired me to think of teaching as a full time profession to pursue, but yeah I need to get requalified for this profession which is as of now not exciting me enough.

2) The second thing to share is ofcourse my kiddo. She is a 5 year old child now and the way she is turning out makes me go all awww. But yeah its a test of patience to bring up the kids and I am very bad at being patient. And still she copes with me, understands me and adjusts with me. I know I  am not perfect and seriously I don't know all about parenting, but then I am growing up with my girl as a mother. We are growing together and someday I may be the best friend of my daughter. Fingers crossed.....

3) The third event is something which is like a dream for me, I mentioned 'me' , because its something which excites only me and not the head of the family, Mr. Hubby. Nothing is finalised , nothing is done, but still just getting a nod for it seems one step near to my dream. So what is it about which I am going on and on. The dream is to have a house of our own. Though practically, it may not sound relevant as we stay in joint family setup, have our own space in the house, and no financial burdens over us. But for me its something which I had from the day I began to earn. I always wanted to have my own space, a place which I can experiment with, decorate, paint, organise,take care of , and have my shares of success and failure stories. I guess its every woman's dream to have her own place. In my teenage and college days I use to do all the shifting, decors at my  home as my mom is not much of a decor person. Her life choices always include having a clean home and all mouths fed well. My choices were always given preferences in the shopping done for home be it sofa covers, furnitures, linens, utensils and many other stuffs. Till date my mom relies on my hometown visits to get her shopping done of sarees and jewellery too. We are like shopping buddies. So you see I had this habit of planning and executing in the matters of home.
But after getting married, everything changed to 360 degrees. In initial days I was not part of this planning and executing.I landed up in a well organised and managed household. Even the stuff for my room was purchased and provided. It was kind of weird feeling for me as nothing can be said or done, all I did was put a smile on my lips and just say 'its nice' when asked about the same. For others may be it could have been a pleasure and relief to have everything in place and already arranged for. But for me it was something not compatible with my independent spirit. I just shopped for my wardrobe and nothing else. Frankly speaking when my kid was born , I didn't even purchase the clothes, toys or any other stuff for her. But slowly I started changing the things, I started doing small shoppings for my room, my child and so on, finally today I am handling my own life. Not to mention this transition was not easy. My opinion was asked in matters but whether it held any weight or was just for testing me I never understood. Thankfully I came out of my nutshell and made my life better. Sometimes your flexibility and adaptability is not in best interest when its a matter of lifetime. One needs to get his/her voice heard and I realised this quite later, but still am not so late.
The motive behind writing this all so long story is to make one understand how much my dream matters for me. Its not like I have got bad in-laws etc, no nothing like that, things are way much better, full support and freedom are given as compared to most of the Indian joint families I have seen and observed in my neighbourhood, its just sometimes you want to be in your own skin without being answerable to anyone, and for this kind of lifestyle, joint families are not the setups to be looked upon, certain norms have to be followed to be compatible with the age difference we and the parents have .
 I am well aware and also bit worried too about paying all those heavy monthly premiums which will eat more than half of our earnings , it will not be easy as its just one earning member , my earnings are just like pocket money only. Considering the fact that we may not get to shift in my dream home it makes me doubt , but still I am happy to chase this dream, call me selfish or whatever. At the end I can proudly hand over something of our very own to our kid which she can say of her own, neither of her parents, nor her husbands. And I wish she may create one space of her OWN without depending to others. I want her to be a woman who buys her own diamonds. My parents empowered me to be that woman, and I had a taste of everything they thought for me, and now its my turn to make my girl into that empowered woman.

Seems quite long post I have written. So now putting a full stop here as house calling now :)
Till then take care and if you liked the post, do leave a comment as readers are the essence of writings. Loads of luv !!
Image Courtesy: Google images

Proceeding forward from my previous post, there is so much to catchup with, starting with the 'Matki Decoration', 'stage performance', and finally the 'Diya Decoration' in kid's school. The diwali celebration she had missed due to my unavilability.

Sometimes some events, happy or sad occurs with unpredictable baby steps and just do a blast all around. Happy ones scatters the laughters, smiles and promising future, while the sad ones strikes out of the blue , jolting and surprising everyone to dig up the reasons. Sometimes the events are termed as fate, and sometimes destiny, sometimes blessings, and sometimes 'buri nazar' aka evil eye.

Few months back things were going smooth in my little nest. Then started a series of sickness, firstly one down, then another, then another, again the cycle revised creating a chaos in otherwise our quiet lives. Me being the last victim of this sickness cycle got a big blow, which I haven't even imagined.
Unbearable pain, landing up in emergency surgery and now set on a recovery mode. Everything was so fast paced ,leaving both my families surprised and worried. Well, I am also confused about what should I feel, relieved on getting rid of the excruciating pain , or sad on losing the joy of second time motherhood. It is the period where my kid asks to bring a small baby from hospital every now and then, while here I am with nothing in my mind, just taking baby steps to get back into my normal life.

I wonder, how this fiasco made me want to go back to my previous life, about which I was cribbing in earlier posts. Today I have realised, even though i termed that routine as boring but it was at least healthy , I was on my own instead of being dependent. I guess that's the life's way of making one value what they had.I am recovering fine after the second Cesarean operation since unfortunately I suffered with an Ectopic Pregnancy, and wishing everyday to get fully functional ASAP. This Diwali was a disaster, all excitement , preparations, unopened shopping bags took back seat. Hopeful to celebrate the next one with everyone in good shape.
                                              'Health is wealth' indeed.
Apart from this, for the first time in  my married life, I am thankful to be in the joint family setup. During my hospitalisation , not even once I had to worry about my kid, her eating, sleeping, playing times. I was at peace that my kid is in good and safe hands. But yeah she is intelligent to take full liberty with her grandparents during my absence at home. In many ways, this whole chapter of  my absence has made my daughter more mature and understanding, not to forget more naughty and moody too , and my husband more caring and compassionate. Kid does understand that mumma has got hurt and has pain. The most important thing she understood is she can't touch my tummy, which is her most favourite thing and without rolling over it she couldn't sleep. Once I was discharged from hospital and reached home, she was so tempted to roll over my tummy and sleep on it, but understanding the facts, she showed big gesture saying 'Mumma dheere se touch karungi bas, dheere se hath rakhungi, please mumma' (meaning 'Mom, I will touch gently, will keep hand gently, please mom'). I wonder how did she managed to stay without me, anyhow thankfully she did it !!

Now just waiting to open my unpacked shopping bags, rearrange my closet, go on some shopping to burst the stress(that's the best remedy), and finally a visit to my parents. And a promise with self to take care of health, and maintain a healthy life for me and for my families.

Image courtesy http://www.health.harvard.edu/

 Image courtesy: google images

These days a sudden kind of self discontentment is settling in. The feeling of good for nothing is seeping in slowly slowly. Why so, may be I am living in more of a comfort zone not suitable to my age and persona. Being a SAHM (stay at home mother) I am unable to do justice to myself and my kid. Question arises why? The reasons which are peeping in my mind are not so big ones yet not so small to be ignored.
Reason No #1 The monotonous routine through out the week. Yeah, I guess thats a big concern for me. Just getting up, preparing lunchbox for kid, getting her ready ( this part is mostly optional as already mentioned in my previous post that my kid has a choice of person to get ready with), finishing off the daily morning chores(some days include heavy cleaning of house while some days are I keep as relaxed depending on my mood to exert) , chitchat with maid and partial preparation of lunch, following with wait of the school bus. Then comes the feeding and engaging part with the kid. Afternoons just pass by in tidbits. Evening again the same routine, cook dinner, play with kid, make her do homework, and finally dinner time. I am not a foodie so don't even do experiments in the kitchen. (Frankly speaking kitchen is no less than a war zone kind of area, so I limit myself from excessive use.) So the day starts and ends with nothing pretty exciting to do. Some days or weeks pass by when I don't even step out of the house. Nowadays thanks to the dance classes for kid, that atleast I pick and drop her thus kicking my butt out of the house every alternate day. But again just pick and drop, and nothing in between to do or explore.
See even reading this stuff sounds boring, that's how I feel I have become 'boring'. I swear, there are days when I don't even feel like to get ready and out of my pajamas to something presentable. Such a lazy lass I have become. Does it means I am real lazy? I don't know, don't have a clear understanding of it. It is not like I am short of time on hands, but where to utilise this time is a big question mark.
Suggestions may vary from join a dance class, hobby class, explore city, make friends, etc etc.
Now for dance class, I love salsa, but won't be able to join ( reasons not disclosed here)
Hobby class, don't know which hobby I really have now. Baking, photography, blogging.....Baking i tried my hands on and its done ( Avoid Kitchen zone). Photography, just sitting in house is not going to get me new subjects and themes everyday. And the moment I pick my DSLR, my kid wherever she is in the house will sense it and the next moment I would be allowing her to click the pictures. And as per my nature, my introvert persona stops me from getting out in public and click in between those following pairs of eyes. The next suggestion could be joining a institute or classes, frankly speaking travelling ( from ghaziabad to noida/delhi/gurugram) is not my cup of tea. So finally I end up in my boring comfort area.
Some solace I do find in blogging , and meeting few moms whom I have made friends with.
Seriously I so love the apartment culture where you can see n number of people daily and can even get in small conversations with them. Some of them can convert into great friendships too.
I just see no point in living in huge independent houses ( read Kothis in NCR slang) where all people are worried about is maintaining their status, and home instead of meeting people and mingling with them. No one even wants to know the neighbours, if known it will be just a kind of hi/hello/namaste followed with Diwali sweets exchanging short visits and marriage invitations. I am just so sick of this environment. I know I crib a lot, but this cribbing is because I am not getting the solution to this problem. No one is near by with whom you can even share a smile, forget about having a conversation. Don't know what keeps people so occupied and busy in themselves.

Reason No #2
The second reason is my kid. Yeah its true, I am just surprised and disturbed with the activities of my kid. All she wants is to get her wishes fulfilled , if said NO, she runs to her grandparents and will spend her full day with them. She is not at all bothered if I exist . Only she will react is when I will go out. Her only reasons for approaching me are TV, Mobile,tablet, chocolates,kinder joy,. The moment I deny she just walks away from me. With her grandparents she is free to watch all things whole day. Its just frustrating for me to watch her showing me her back. All I do is feel useless, I am so irritated that even I forget to play with her. All I do is scold her and manner her, make her do her homework, try to make her follow a routine. Sometimes I doubt myself if I am really being a good parent to her, but giving up to her demands just doesn't feel right to me. Atleast she knows someone can deny her instead of pampering over all her naughtiness. But in between all this, sometimes it really makes me to think if I am really fit for motherhood. Phew can say my insecurities about spoiling my child are just making my life hell. And I find no way to get out of this misery of my mommyhood.
Some may feel how lucky I am to get time free from kid, but imagine the situation where as a mom, I am waiting for my kid to just come to me and listen to me, talk to me, and all I end up doing is just endless waiting. What use of this free time which is spent only in thinking of the ways to deal with kid. All this irritation and frustration has caused me to be over aggressive, and I am more of like Angry Bird every time kid demands anything to me. I am wondering where all the love, and affection vanishes when I am dealing with her. I just forget that she is the kid and I am the adult. Both of us get struck to our demands and result is I am abandoned. Sigh :(
Sometimes I just feel to stop being a SAHM and search for job. But again my mommy mind takes over me and I just sit here doing nothing other than worrying and getting irked. I don't say that I am not liking to be at home , but feeling the current scenarios I am facing all I can do is question myself for my decisions.Its like neither I am satisfied at home, nor I am open to go out and work.What I am doing as a mother when my kid is not even looking back once to stay with me is just making me restless every moment.Instead now she has gotten into the habit of talking back to all.
Worries are taking their pace to settle in my mommy mind. Sometimes its really hard to justify myself if I am fulfilling my duties towards my kid or am I just going with the flow. I just need some break, and really someone experienced to talk to who can understand my concern.

Reason No #3
In today's competitive world, its kind of rat race going in the corporate world. People don't have time for families. They leave at fix time from home to office but time to get back to home is never fixed. All I wait is to get a phone call of getting late by Mr. Hubby.
So you see, I have ample time in my hands courtesy Mr Hubby and Kid, but all this time is spent in sulking and irking. Can't blame anyone, as I know how the corporate world works.

So its like currently I am in total disaster mode, and need to start working on it. Really need some experienced one to get good advice to come out of this misery. 

I assume almost every Indian has travelled in our indian railway trains atleast once. I travel atleast 2 times in a year to visit my native place and that too night travel. In so  many years of my journey, I have come across different varieties of sound, snores, smells and god knows what. Seriously, its like a mini zoo in the night. The people looks so modern, fashionable, geeks, and so many different personalities...but as soon as people start sleeping , everyone is in the same league....some kind of race against each other. The race between who snores louder :D .Somewhere its a mini train in itself whistling and running, while at some other berth(seat) its like a aeroplane or helicopter flying, somewhere else its kind of roaring...Variety of sounds see !!
And along with that comes the different yucky farts, and I woke up with something bothering my nose...grrrr....Now the combinations of SNORES and FARTS really make it difficult to sleep in even 2nd AC compartment of trains, I wish if I had travelled in a sleeper class with all windows open...atleast there would have been a fresh air to breathe in. Anyways, by the time its morning around 5 am, the long queues to washrooms make it impossible to go back to sleep again,  more worse don't even think of peeing in those early hours where your turn may never come ..phew....
At the end the train arrives at my station, and instead of having a nice comfortable seating arrangement I end up all sleepy and tired to my mom's home, thanks to all those noises, and smellssss.

Well this post is totally about my hobby of 'Photography'. I love to click, earlier used the cell phones, and now happy with my camera (read DSLR) . Now the question is if i love to click, then where is the space for dilemma.
Actually my dilemma lies in me. I am too shy to take my gear out at any public place. The following eyes of people in vicinity make me cringe a bit from inside,in other words I feel self conscious whenever I am around people. There is a war in my head 'whether to take the camera with me or leave it at home' . My love for street photography and portraits are suffering. Wondering how people go bindass and click, and I couldn't convince myself to stay calm.
May be one reason for being hesitant is I don't go alone to click. Mostly family trips are used as an opportunity to do some clicking. And every time I end up like a coolie, with baby bag on one shoulder and camera bag on the other.....which is  quite a handful for my medium frame.
Phew....as said 'This too shall pass', looking forward to the day when I will have to carry just me and my camera bag, offering my camera to be handy.

Well, well, well, after a long gap with a relaxing home tour, finally I am back and remembered to hop on to my blog. As its kind of my ritual to change the template, look and feel of my blog whenever I update it after a long gap, so today I got it changed. Its kind of boring to see the same things all time ....yeah a typical gemini trait to change the routine stuffs :) But blogger is getting me bored with its all so routine templates, as I have only a few favorites one. Need to figure out some real cool and fascinating ones to hold up with my geminism !!
Coming back to the post, its a new year 2016, with already one wicket( read one month) of January down. Happy new year (i know its a belated one) my dear blog and all the lovely people who spend their time to land here.
Well this year is also nothing different than the previous one to me. Still caught up in the same routine, same dilemmas. I thought of making this year a happening one, be it with my career, my hobby, my kid, my little family, my friends, and whatever surrounds me. But,I guess this year is trying to slow down my plans, firstly kid down with viral fever, secondly myself down with the same, thirdly getting some wisdom this year..yeah my wisdom tooth started showing painfully in my mouth, landing me up to my oh not so favorite dentist.....and and and the latest one numbered four ended up with the stupid and reckless migraine.....Argh this is such a sickening start to a year, don't you think so? But but but, finally coping up with each blow, I am here to sum up the startup summary of the year :D :D

Though the start hasn't been great, still I had a great relaxing time with kid at my mom's place. We both are back with a new enthusiasm in our lives. My kids enthu has now started showing up in terms of school, homework, play, stories, dancing and singing, and mine lies in catching up with hers :D
I guess that's what all the mommies out there are bound to do. As I am writing here, my one eye is glued to the clock to match up with the time kid arrives home. Before she comes needs to end  up with lunch, bath, and laptop ......yeah she is a big sucker of any device which plays youtube videos, and the bigger the better is her choice ...phew...I pity my lappy., already my new....just 3 days old phone suffered a screen damage in her hands, thankfully the screen didn't come out and my phone continued functioning well until I couldn't send it for repair....and yeah a big thanks to the damage insurance :P
As kid has started commuting to school in the school van, I am a bit relaxed to catchup with her timings, a good 30 minutes time save :D
The second month, the current batting wicket is on the strike, lets see how many sixes, and boundaries are on the way, along with some chances of half centuries too :P

Every now and then I stumble across the posts/websites related to Stay At Home Mom(SAHM) and Full Time Working Mom, and with each supporting post I start justifying myself about my decision to be a SAHM. Seriously, do I really need someone else's views to determine what I do is right or wrong.
Why I want to follow the other's views , of course everyone differs in their views, needs, and choices..so how can I compare and justify myself from someone else's point of view. The glass looks greener on the other side always. When I was working, the only wish I had was to be with my kid every moment, and when I am with her I do miss my earlier version. See, there is no satisfaction in any situation. With every action/step comes a new set of lifestyle,responsibilities, thoughts,appreciation , and criticism. Its me who have to decide what is good for my family.
Getting bothered with everyone's question 'R u still working?' or 'Have you rejoined office' adds more to the confusion. The only way to be at peace seems to look at my child, smile and ignore the thoughts which make the confusion exist. After all, its me and my kid who will gain or suffer from my thoughts.


This is so well said  'Motherhood is not a battle against other mothers.Motherhood is YOUR journey with YOUR children'.
Why should I judge myself being a full time mom with other working ones. I decided this for myself, even though I thought it to be a 1-2 years break,and now it appears like a never ending one. Why so? answer lies within me. While I rejoined the work post maternity, whole time I was concerned about my newly born child who was not even 2 months old...the frustration, the anger, and the annoyance within me reached to a different level mixed with the feelings of guilt and sadness. I was employed but not happy, I was a mother but not with my kid...the milk which was meant to be fed to my child was wasted in the office washrooms ( yeah, that's true), and with each passing day I was thinking to resign. And finally the day came when I got over this dilemma and took a bold decision to be with my kid ...thus putting and end to my mental agony.The peace which I feel to be with my kid and taking care of her, feed her, bath her, clean her, every single chore made me cherish over my decision.
And now when my kid is 3+ years age, I am still not ready to rejoin the corporate world.
Well, here I do have some haunting reasons also, not only my kid is in thoughts. Firstly, it is really difficult to make a re-entry to the corporate world, as not many opportunities are made for the mothers after sabbatical. Secondly,when I go through the job descriptions of the various openings which are not even made up for the people rejoining after sabbatical, all the jd's appear so alien to me, the new languages, technologies, frameworks, models, everything are so unknown...Even if I decide to learn any of them , where is the practical working experience I would have for it. Just learning wouldn't provide me a proficiency level required for the profile. And now thirdly, I am really not able to think of spending 9-10 hours away from home, again doing an up-down to delhi/noida .....who will take care of my kid, though we have grandparents with us, but will they be able to meet up with her food choices, preferences,timings, tantrums, and conversations ( its only me who understands every word she speaks), her nap times, her schooling stuff, activities, requirements, etc etc.....can anyone take care of all of it? can I trust anyone to handover my responsibilities towards my kid? Maids, no entry for them, I dont want to spoil the language and mannerisms of my kid.. Actually I have no answers for the questions of mine. So, I stay being a SAHM.
Instead of thinking about how I would be , or my life would be if I join the work again, I am now taking pride and joy in whatever it is now. Instead of sulking over the career I had, or the imaginary future, I have started to live in the present.  I eat, play sleep, dress, study, learn, cook,click, and all those things which I haven't done ever, I am doing them right away with my kid. The immense pleasure seeing her excelling in studies,games, dancing,singing, is beyond mere happiness. The joy I feel when I get certificates of her winning stints, the lovely grades she has started getting from such a young age, the darling of teachers.......All I can feel is a blessing in my world.
For her sake, at the age of 30 I am learning to cook better, fry the pooris, make the perfect aloo parathas, make the yummy triangle parathas :D Can any job give me the satisfaction of feeding my kid with her choices and encouraging my every take with 'wow mumma, yummy yummy aloo paratha', and 'wow mumma, kitna sundar sundar, muah' ......
See happiness lies all near me, just needed the eyes without the shades of anger, frustration, and future visions.
So from now on no SAHM versus FTWM :)

After long long time, finally I visited my lovely blog, I am sure my dear blog, you must have felt so lonely and secluded. But totally not forgotten anytime. To be a regular in writing is a real big deal, kind of a challenge. Let me soon begin with today's post, not sure when the next post will arrive.

So, from where to start......ummm....ok, i will start with my love, my life, my super energetic 2.8 year old angel. The month of june is a real stress buster, reason being the much awaited summer vacations of kid. Waiting for the holidays, & vacations reminds me of my childhood days where we used to wait for vacations to visit my grandparents and relatives. History repeats, we too visited my mom's place in the vacations....hopefully reason for my absence from my darling blogspace gets justified a little bit. Had too much of fun. My kiddo gets company of other kids there and she gets involved with them so much, refusing to come back home. Seriously kids enjoy each other's company, how bore they get when they have to play with we the elders.
This time during my stay at mom's place, I met my school friends on a lunch outing. To meet them, remember old times, yeah of course a little bit bitching also gets involved ;) But that's a different fun where no discussions bout home, life, future plans etc comes into mind....only memories, old ones and the newly created ones...its totally different feeling, especially when you do not have your freinds physically available ( I am really bored of the virtual freindships now, so much have changed..may be we may even take time to recognise each other's faces)

Coming back from my ranting, every time my home visit makes my child to learn many new things. She is now a bigger chatterbox, all time she has one or other thing to say. She now creates an imaginary world, and acts just like we the elders do. Mostly, she will involve me in her world of imaginations and ask me different things. Now, she wants to do everything on her own. Be it taking bath, using toilet, combing hairs, getting dressed, eating food, washing clothes, etc etc....the list is endless. At this time, its really tiresome to catch up with the energy of the kids, it seems they really never get tired.

Now a days she has got this strange habit of using the word 'naa' (hindi word) with every sentence of hers..for  example mumma 'naa', no 'naa', papa' naa', go 'naa'....it doesn't  matter if she is speaking hindi word or english word,'naa' will be everywhere. Along with this, its really tough to get her do something as per my wish....if she said no..that means a no, no one can change it. Sometimes she gets on my nerves so much that I end up getting angry, but the sweetest part of it is she will try to cheer me up, will kiss me on the cheeks, and blink her eyes. She is such a drama queen and intellectual kid, knows what will work on whom. After so many cuddly gestures who can manage not to smile and love her back. See, such a clever kid she is.

Her school got reopen today,and I swear it was so difficult to make her complete vacation homework. But somehow, i managed to get it done. Phew ...task accomplished !!

Whoa, this is my 100th post. Never thought I would manage to write this much.

This centenarian post must be something which is close to me. Its about me.
Lets begin !!

Sometimes I feel I am multifaceted, but then what is special about that..Almost every second girl is or thinks she is. As I am writing about myself here, so lets not get bugged up with what others are,do, or can do.
Why I am saying multifaceted, its because I have so many creative interests which never got to come out. From the school days onward, I found drawing & painting alluring, and not to mention I was really good at it. People use to say I would take Biology as my subject, and to everyone's surprise I ended up with the scary Mathematics.

Then nature always interested me, which came into photography...yeah I take bearable clicks :D. Fact supporting it is, my clicks when shared at various photography groups on Facebook have got appreciated by totally unknown people, neither of us knowing each other in any way. The likes have touched the marks of 75 people at max. This sounds so kiddish, but actually it gives motivation :)
Next comes writing, I know I am not very good at it, but I really like to write my thoughts, words, and feelings.I use to always write diaries while in college and during job, though none exist now :D. Sometimes it comes out good leaving even me surprised.

At the end,I pursued none of my interests, confining myself to just studies and engineering which made me more of an introvert which I use to be. Always focused towards studies, expectations, and better career. It would not be too much to say that I fulfilled my parent's every dream- got good grades, desired engineering college and stream, handsome placement, an honors degree and a good arrange marriage.
 For a typical middle class family, the child's hobby never mattered (at least in my case), what mattered were good grades, selections, and clean character certificate ( clean in the sense of no boyfriends/girlfriends, no going out with friends/classmates, or should say no friends). In between all these, my interests and hobbies got missed and long forgotten. Its not that I am blaming anyone for this, not at all, because I was always aware that what I am getting is the best my parents can afford for us(siblings included). This realization made me more close to my mother, whom I always admire for her patience and adaptability. Knowing this fact, I never asked for new dresses, money for hobby classes other than tuition fees, no accessories, nothing till I was in intermediate ( in college, i did put some of my demands on top priority, guess it was college effect ), and also avoided any activity which may lead to rumors and stories . At times I really felt frustrated, you know the company you keep is at times provoking too. It would be surprise, but the first visit to classmates I made was in the 12th class at one of the birthday celebrations, before that I have never been to anyone's home. I was always hesitant to invite my friends to my home, as I always thought that they may not like it. But luckily I always got so good friends that they never let me feel bad about anything, always took care of me, and supported me. Don't know what they really liked about me, but they were totally supportive. Can say I am a blessed child :)

Since I belonged to such a humble background both socially and financially, it was really difficult for me to match up in the newly introduced corporate world with the new faces but no friends. Slowly slowly caught up  the trend and started getting comfortable with the new surroundings . But still being the small town girl at heart never indulged in too much of anything. Lived a life well composed and responsibly. Never wish bad for anyone, my parents always taught me, following it, if people did something wrong/against me also I ignored, and forgot.
 Then once because of my roommate I joined the Salsa Classes. And from there it was like a makeover for me. I started looking beyond necessities, the activities, people and things which inspired me, made me happy. And after that there was no looking back.
Faced failures, but then accepted them and emerged as a new and refined me.

After it, no matter how hard the situation become,  I never complained . Just started believing in karma and destiny, accepted what and how it came. May be this is what the maturity with age is called.
Now at the age of 30, I am a proud mother of a very very cute baby girl, a much loved and admired wife, honored daughter-in-law ( yes that's really true, hard to believe but now a fact :) , remember blessed child :) ), & a loving and caring daughter.
My hidden hobbies, aspirations all getting into limelight and practice, all credit goes to my in laws and husband. Be it pursuing job,  hobby, learning driving, taking decisions , be it anything, the support just makes me more strong and confident day by day. Everyone trust me with my abilities which motivates me further. The support has not changed a single bit from what my parents did.
As already mentioned, I am always lucky in case of friends, and this still continues. Some people really are more than friends under the tag of FRIEND, on whom you can rely upon anytime. Being thankful to the supreme power for keeping me blessed is the only thing I can think of.

Someday, may be my kid will read this, dont know what her reaction would be, but atleast for her it would be a story of her mom.

Happy 4th wedding anniversary to me :)

Yeah, we have stepped into the 5th year of the marriage institution. All those years just passed by, not even got a moment to review them, anyways who does that ;)
Anniversaries symbolises new learnings, experiences, understanding, and love. Every new year these elements keeps on increment, making the foundation and the future strong for the relations.

Hubby S is not much of into gifts and celebrating the occasion kind of person. He has different aspect to the exchange of gifts. As per him, what is there so special about gifting on occasion when you doesn't have enough to get one, instead get something you want, when you have bandwidth and necessity :P
So, kind of predecided what I wanted, and luckily its the anniversary too, I got my much dreamed DSLR, Canon 700D... yuhu. Along with this one, i also got the opportunity to attend much awaited baking class for myself. See, got whatever I wanted and dot on the occassion.

In such kind of scenarios, I don't need to worry for the hubby's gift, as he doesn't believe in one :D

Now my DSLR is in action mode. Everyday clicking and learning is part of the routine. Once I get hold on the camera, will create a new blog or new FB page dedicated to my clicks !!

Accidentally came across this wonderful thought. It seems so true to me, forced me to loosen my thinking horses.
Its the truth that life offers so many things, sometimes good, and sometimes bad. The life is full of such uncertainty leaving us puzzled to decide our future course of actions. 
Recently I encountered a tragic accident of suicide. It seems like yesterday when I saw this young boy all in smiles and touching the elder's feet. His smiling face image just does not leave my brain.When I visited his distraught family it was like an emotional choke to me.He was just 20 years, chilling with friends, the apple of the parent's eyes, riding his highly demanded sports bike. Well what made him to commit this drastic step to take his own life. He hanged himself leaving everyone in tears and cries. His  mom, what she has more now.This grief ridden mother says that how can she forget the 20 years of her upbringing ? The family made his every logical/illogical demand fulfill be at any cost they had to bear. Were they wrong doing it, should they have been hard and questioning his demands and choices? I dont know the answers of all these.
Now everyone is asking why did he commit suicide, what made him do so? Well whom to answer this question, the person who knew everything is now not with us. Some says it was depression, some says father scolded, some says it was a failed affair. Whatever may be the reason, the boy did not even gave a second thought to his action, not even thinking about his aging parents to whom he was the walking stick.
His smiling photo with flowers on it took my breath away. I cannot cry, for me tears are a sign of weakness, I choked, controlled, but couldn't help them to stay in the eyes. His photo frame made all the bridges collapse. Now me being a third person is so ripped with this incident, just a thought of the agony of his aging parents raises the goosebumps.
Is life so cheap to spend it in vain over another person? Its very true that life offers hundreds of shits , but then overcoming the hardships and surviving is what the life should be. Just succumbing to the failures, depressions, heart breaks, should not be the way. 
Its true when life and love tests you, its really hard to take a wise decision. It leaves one in many bits and pieces.But how wise it is to quit all the hardships and taking another route of complete destruction. Life offers many virtues to the humans in which courage is the most important one to deal with the pieces. Be it anything or anyone who made pieces of your life, it should be you to be brave and accept the challenge.
Life is more about collecting the pieces, good and bad experiences, memorable moments, learnings, and optimism for a better future out of every shit. The hope to find something good in every adverse situation is something which helps the life to go on.Optimism lays the road to move on. Why should one spoil her/his life on something/someone who don't even gave a thought before messing it.
It takes real effort to see something good in every situation, but this is the motivating factor to begin your journey to future with the broken pieces.Sometimes its worth the effort.

Just feeling so sorry for the loss of the family, couldn't stop my thoughts from spilling here. May be I am not right but atleast I have mustered my failures, trials, confusions, breaks and whatever mess life offered me. Its worth taking a ride of optimism rather than stucking in the past and blocking happiness away from yourself. That's what I think.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon

It reminds me of my days of  singledom (As per the dictionary, the state of being unmarried or not involved in a long-term relationship). During those days me and my bestie (my best friend ever, partner of all ups &downs, sins & crimes, joy & sorrow) were such a huge fan of this vampire series. Not to forget we both were enjoying our singledom.I use to read till early mornings, would sleep religiously around 3 or 4 wanting to read whole book in one go. My bestie, even though she was not a avid reader, better to say lazy to read, also managed to complete the series so fast. We both were such a huge fan of Edward and Bella. Actually we started day dreaming about how our would be life partner should be. I know thats so filmy, but you know girls are like that only, at-least we both were, totally mad about this character. To give wings to our dreams, the movies of this saga were released every year. Literally we both kept waiting for the month of November to get these movies released. 

Yesterday I just put on the television, and this movie was up on the channel.It just made me sink a little bit, as I was really missing her and the craziness we shared for these movies and Mr. Edward Cullen. For once I thought of switching off the tv and go to sleep, but I ended up watching the whole movie till 2 a.m. By the way thats my normal routine these days to keep on watching these Hollywood movies after the kiddo sleeps. Thats a kind of relaxing time free from any work and baby blues. 

Coming back to the movie, don't know what a bond both of them shared ( Edward & Bella ofcourse). The bond was just not the material one, that's a soul one, a pure form of love, where it is just both of them,no lust, no crime, no cheats. Yeah ofcourse thats a movie only, but is it possible to have such a real bond, a soulmate in the real life. May be yes , may be no. Or is it like the real life really sucks, all lost in meeting up the daily chores, deadlines, liabilities, responsibilities, kids, the ups and downs, sorrows, joys, celebrations, funerals....and so on. Aha impressive, I have really got a big list of life buggers :D

I guess those dreamy days are the only ones while you are madly in love, carefree yet liable, living the life to the fullest....Once you step in the institution of marriage things really change, we always trying to balance the mysteries of life.