Oh you are not working ??

Every now and then I stumble across the posts/websites related to Stay At Home Mom(SAHM) and Full Time Working Mom, and with each supporting post I start justifying myself about my decision to be a SAHM. Seriously, do I really need someone else's views to determine what I do is right or wrong.
Why I want to follow the other's views , of course everyone differs in their views, needs, and choices..so how can I compare and justify myself from someone else's point of view. The glass looks greener on the other side always. When I was working, the only wish I had was to be with my kid every moment, and when I am with her I do miss my earlier version. See, there is no satisfaction in any situation. With every action/step comes a new set of lifestyle,responsibilities, thoughts,appreciation , and criticism. Its me who have to decide what is good for my family.
Getting bothered with everyone's question 'R u still working?' or 'Have you rejoined office' adds more to the confusion. The only way to be at peace seems to look at my child, smile and ignore the thoughts which make the confusion exist. After all, its me and my kid who will gain or suffer from my thoughts.

This is so well said  'Motherhood is not a battle against other mothers.Motherhood is YOUR journey with YOUR children'.
Why should I judge myself being a full time mom with other working ones. I decided this for myself, even though I thought it to be a 1-2 years break,and now it appears like a never ending one. Why so? answer lies within me. While I rejoined the work post maternity, whole time I was concerned about my newly born child who was not even 2 months old...the frustration, the anger, and the annoyance within me reached to a different level mixed with the feelings of guilt and sadness. I was employed but not happy, I was a mother but not with my kid...the milk which was meant to be fed to my child was wasted in the office washrooms ( yeah, that's true), and with each passing day I was thinking to resign. And finally the day came when I got over this dilemma and took a bold decision to be with my kid ...thus putting and end to my mental agony.The peace which I feel to be with my kid and taking care of her, feed her, bath her, clean her, every single chore made me cherish over my decision.
And now when my kid is 3+ years age, I am still not ready to rejoin the corporate world.
Well, here I do have some haunting reasons also, not only my kid is in thoughts. Firstly, it is really difficult to make a re-entry to the corporate world, as not many opportunities are made for the mothers after sabbatical. Secondly,when I go through the job descriptions of the various openings which are not even made up for the people rejoining after sabbatical, all the jd's appear so alien to me, the new languages, technologies, frameworks, models, everything are so unknown...Even if I decide to learn any of them , where is the practical working experience I would have for it. Just learning wouldn't provide me a proficiency level required for the profile. And now thirdly, I am really not able to think of spending 9-10 hours away from home, again doing an up-down to delhi/noida .....who will take care of my kid, though we have grandparents with us, but will they be able to meet up with her food choices, preferences,timings, tantrums, and conversations ( its only me who understands every word she speaks), her nap times, her schooling stuff, activities, requirements, etc etc.....can anyone take care of all of it? can I trust anyone to handover my responsibilities towards my kid? Maids, no entry for them, I dont want to spoil the language and mannerisms of my kid.. Actually I have no answers for the questions of mine. So, I stay being a SAHM.

Instead of thinking about how I would be , or my life would be if I join the work again, I am now taking pride and joy in whatever it is now. Instead of sulking over the career I had, or the imaginary future, I have started to live in the present.  I eat, play sleep, dress, study, learn, cook,click, and all those things which I haven't done ever, I am doing them right away with my kid. The immense pleasure seeing her excelling in studies,games, dancing,singing, is beyond mere happiness. The joy I feel when I get certificates of her winning stints, the lovely grades she has started getting from such a young age, the darling of teachers.......All I can feel is a blessing in my world.
For her sake, at the age of 30 I am learning to cook better, fry the pooris, make the perfect aloo parathas, make the yummy triangle parathas :D Can any job give me the satisfaction of feeding my kid with her choices and encouraging my every take with 'wow mumma, yummy yummy aloo paratha', and 'wow mumma, kitna sundar sundar, muah' ......
See happiness lies all near me, just needed the eyes without the shades of anger, frustration, and future visions.
So from now on no SAHM versus FTWM :)