This post is dedicated to the joint Family setup & some comparisons between joint and nuclear arrangements.
Before starting, the same disclosure as on part 1 : the images are taken from Google Images and their owner's copyright. The write-up is totally my creation including some personal, freinds, and acquaintances experiences.
In the last post I wrote about Nuclear family arrangement, in this post let's have a peek a boo to joint setup too.
As a matter of fact no system is perfect in itself, it all depends on convenience, feasibility and personal choices to figure out the better one for themselves.
The big joint family comprises of the grandparents, parents, uncles, aunts,children in the chronological order of power in the family. Yeah, you read it right. In most of the joint families there is a power based place for each family member, so it's like each person has its own set of responsibilities and tasks.
The person highest in the order of power has the final call on any decision to be made.
This arrangement works almost well until the entry of the Daughter in laws aka "the bahus".The sas bahu saga will be scrutinised in next post. Coming back to my topic,
In joint setup there are many advantages like
1) All members are readily available at any hour needed. The support system is very strong in joint Family arrangement.
2) The responsibilities of males /females are all divided so the females need not to worry about the out of home tasks.
3) The grandparents provide a good helping hand in raising kids. The mother alone need not to slog every moment thus getting sometime to relax and regain energy and sanity.
4) The kids aka grandchildren also get to bond with grandparents, thus the feeling of boredom do not exist.
5) There can be a close watch on growing kids while the parents are busy with their works/jobs
6) With elders in home kids get connected to the cousins, thus eliminating the need of daycares.
7) Also kids of the family get to know old customs, good habits, mannerisms in very comfortable and easy way of bonding. They learn to share things,daily routines, tales thus enhancing their confidence and communication skills.
8)The financial emergencies can be handled out well with mutual understanding.
9) The trips which can be at times boring get better with never ending chit chats of so many people travelling together. Atleast you can get someone to click your pics instead of selfie sticks 😛
10)Many situations of indecisiveness can be worked out with the experienced advices and suggestions of the elders.
11) The festivals and gatherings have their traditional essence.
12) The ladies can get shopping companions within the family itself.
13) When the couple is working, they can rest assured of leaving their kids in safe and experienced hands.
So many advantages of joint Family that it seems great, but looking on the negatives some may feel nuclear works better. Anyways it's personal or situational choice to be in either type of arrangement.
Now let's take a plunge into drawbacks too.
1) The most important factor to be compromised in joint setup is the independence, independence of speech, independence of personal choices, independence of routine, in short every single thing one like/preferre to do on its own will. Everything has to be done keeping in mind every member of the family.
2) The emotions need to be in check, the anger, frustration, irritation, even pre and post partum for new moms can't have freedom of expression, as it will affect some or other members, which in turn will create issues in between members.
3) In joint Family arrangement privacy and space are the terms almost non existent. Anyone can bang in your room at any point of time until the whole house sleeps.
4) The ladies of the house have invisible kung-fu at every cooking time in kitchen. The existent senior lady will have the final call of what to cook, when to cook, and how to cook, including how to serve even. So young ladies forget your experimental cuisines and cooking skills, just go with the flow to be at peace in the never ending war zone called 'Kitchen'.
5) Your opinion, doesn't matter infront of the elders. Luckily if you have a little modern joint family, at times your opinion may be heard and considered ,provided you have proved your worth.
6)Coming to raising the kids is again all biased. The new moms as they are learning have to deal with the comments and corrections of 'not like this ', 'let me show you ', 'you will hurt the child'. All scaring the hell out of the new mom making her question her own capabilities and instincts.
The clothes, the delivery plan etc are all done either by the family members or the would be mom will be convinced to agree with them. In some families even the kid's name is done by elders rather than the mom.
7) To setup a study routine for kids is real tough task to achieve without hurting the sentiments of other family members. Kids just find a way to escape the studies or work using grandparents as their rescuer.
8) A single mistake / bad language or any wrong moral shown by Kid, and the only person to be questioned is the mother. No one takes joint responsibility, and start giving tips/suggestions to work upon with kid.
9) It's really impossible to keep everyone happy in the family. More the people, more the issues. How much one kills his /her own personal choice, there is never satisfactory happy situation. It's like the compromises made have no end.
10) There is very less in case of a little Modern Family or no place in traditional families for experiments in any prospect.
11) The egos are more often clashed on petty conversations, and a new drama keeps on unfolding with it.
12) Another very important aspect of discontentment is the dress code for ladies. Most of the families prefer the Saree cladden ladies of the house, in order to keep up with traditions and fame in society. Yet there is a silver lining to this aspect as many modern joint families have started taking an acceptable freedom of dresses for the ladies.
13) The friend culture is not so welcomed in joint families, as for every matter the elders are to be looked upon rather than the outside world. Phew 😣
Seems the list is endless here too.
Seems the list is endless here too.
The only key to an at peace joint family is mutual respect and understanding along with following the footsteps of the elders. A little deviation can result in a real mess in this system.
Well this is a snapshot of what I feel about joint and nuclear, and my personal choice goes for Nuclear family as I really want to feel the freedom to be me without being judged or clarifying myself. Want to spend the quality time figuring out and resolving the issues between me and my partner rather than the elders, as for elders you can never be right since there is no experience factor attached. I want to strengthen the bond and mutual understanding rather than figuring out to tackle situations, and shut up my mouth for the sarcasm it spills in the tensed situations 😈
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