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PS: This is really a long long post as it is all about what i felt, or had gone through during the pregnancy till delivery, so read it at your own risk :)
The long nine months, the long days and nights of wait, uncertainty, emotional up-downs, family issues, understandings & misunderstandings, juggling in the office working hours, etc etc....and finally you arrived in my world making it all more beautiful, meaningful, joyful, everything which I was more worried about smoothly took a back seat..and you my baby became and will always be my first priority.
The first month, month of January 2012 , i felt all the way kind of dizzy, lost, not able to concentrate on most of the stuff, felt irking and irritating on all the small small matters ( which also gave rise to quite big problems for me later on) .My hidden emotional and sensitive side took a great toll over my mind, kind of drenched me totally. In January I was just doing things mechanically, get up, get tea and toast ready, take the breakfast, prepare the lunch( ofcourse i had to cook as there was no canteen in the office), catch the bus, reach the office ( i enjoyed being in office, where i was me, no burdens no nothing, only do your work and chill) and in the evening take cab at 8 or 8:30p.m and reach home by 9:30 or 9:45 p.m., then take dinner and go to sleep..Such a monotonous life i was having with many confusions. I was all puzzled with things in my life.
In the mean time it happened that my sister-in-law came to India, and she was expecting. A little similar symptoms striked the connection in me that may be I can be too expecting. So went for the checkup to doc and it was confirmed that I am pregnant :)
I was surprised and confused as this whole new chapter seemed too early for me...I was not mentally prepared for this transition.I was double minded, at one hand I wasn't ready and on the other hand i was not ready to make it as an end..So perplexed and kind of uncertain of what decision to take. I had full support of S in whatever decision I take. Seeing me so lost, he tried to suppress his joy and readiness to be a father. I can really see that he was happy to have the child. So finally, after all the battles in my head, I headed with the decision of continuing it further.
Rest all became history. Day by day i started monitoring your activities in me. When u first time moved inside me, when you didn't like the pizza i had and i had to throw up(vomiting) after eating, that feeling hungry in the late hours, those medicines, ultrasounds, routine medical checkups all occupied me so well that had nothing to concentrate on more.I decided to take leaves from office in the month of August, though you were due in September end. But you the naughty little one, I guess you didn't like the office and made me to take rest. So finally on 9th August I started my maternity leaves. Then started the desperate waiting period. I started counting on months, then weeks and then finally days for your arrival.
In the eighth month detected with low hemoglobin, so had to undergo medication with those scary drips. Then came the time when had less Amniotic fluid which again made me to undergo with the drips. Gosh, that was really scary for me as I had never gone with a drip in my body before it. Slowly slowly i would say the time passed by , and my sister-in-law gave birth to a baby boy. They were already knowing about the gender of the child as out of India its already informed by the doctors to the would be family.
I was uncertain of what I would have-a cutie baby girl or a naughty baby boy. Well I always wanted a baby boy, hold on..its not that i think girl child is some kind of burden, or my family was biased or blah blah..Nothing of this holds true. My family wanted more of the girl child and so S(my husband) too.But somewhere I was of the view emotionally that girls have to leave their parents ( i still miss my mom so much though i have my own child and family) and the boys (like my husband) live with parents. So selfish of me I wanted a boy just because he will not leave me...so funny logic, but that was all i had in my mind. I feared that if i had a girl child I may not be able to see her go away from me :)..By the way along with the passing time my views changed from having a baby boy to have a baby girl, who will be my confident and my freind like me and my mom. I started dreaming of making cute ponytails of my girl, buying cute dresses and frocks, making her sit on the platform while i prepare meals etc etc ...such a dreamland hahahaha.
Coming back from the choices part, the days passed and finally came the time when my child should have shown symptoms of its arrival.But I had no labor pains, no water broke, no nothing which made the doctor to get us done an ultrasound at the final time. In the ultrasound it was detected that there is not much of the opening space for the baby to come out normally as the child head is large as compared to the opening. Missed to mention that in the routine checkups also the baby head was not coming down at a required rate and time, so the doc told me to do some exercises also...by the way that also didn't help. The ultrasound reports declared that the baby is of 3.5 kgs, which made us to go with the fact that the normal delivery is not possible. Still the doc took some methods, gave medicines, injected the labor but of no use..The kid digested everything :D At the same time i was feeling angry with the doc as in every or other checkup she would say eat properly, the baby is not growing well, has less weight, has less movements..eat well eat well...and now what, the child is so heavy that it wont come out .Anyways, after all attempts in vain, we went for Caesarean delivery on 28th Sep 2012, Friday.
I still remember that day..on one hand I was happy that finally I will have my child in my hands, be it a boy or girl. I was way too nervous and scared as i have never been hospitalized before that day. The AC and the fans all were on in the hospital room, but I was sweating like anything. even the nurse calmed me seeing me sweating so much. and finally came the time when I was in the Operation theater(OT). All team welcomed me, asked me how I am. One of the funny things happened, the anesthetist asked me if i had something in breakfast, and i proudly said yes milk and cornflakes...he was surprised asked me who told you to eat it. I told him nobody told me what to eat or not :P . Finally he continued with his work, not to forget in OT the temperature was way too cold which made my sweating stop and me becoming normal.Then arrived my doctor(gynecologist) in the OT and put something on my eyes, i guess some cloth or dressing cotton it was. I was fully conscious , but not able to feel my lower body due to anesthesia. The doctor began the operation, and I was hearing everything which they conversed among them. It was like a never ending waiting zone going on, i was feeling bored that how long it will take. Finally came the moment when i heard the doctor commanding her staff to give the oxygen to the baby and clean it. Since i didn't hear any crying sound of my baby as seen in the movies i was a little scared that what happened.She said to give oxygen..is everything allright..All this stuff was going on in my head, in between i heard the crying sound of the baby, and then the baby started making noise of sucking something.The doc removed those thing from my eyes and i was able to see everyone. The staff showed me the baby, i was feeling too weak to see anything clearly or speak anything.I just asked the staff that what it is and they responded as 'Beti hai ( its a girl)'. With my blurr eyes i was able to see a white pink baby sucking her hands wrapped in a blue dress in the arms of the staff .After that they took her out of the OT and started preparing me also to take out of the OT.
After shifting me to the hospital room, i got to know that the baby is very fair in color with so much pinkness. She had so pink lips and was in her favorite mode of sucking hands. By the way she was full awake when i saw her, but i couldn't move so cannot take her in my hands. S put her near me on my bed but i was getting so drowsy that i cannot properly sink into that feeling of being a mom. That was the day when I was missing my mom so much right from the hospital room to OT and then back in room. Out in the hospital room, the full day i was kind of conscious and unconscious.The nurse came in and taught us to how to prepare the formula milk for the baby. Point to mention, I was allowed to feed the baby on the 3rd day that is the day on which i was discharged of the hospital. Only the day of operation, I was kept completely on drips, and medicines ...no food no liquids, not even water( can just have a few drops of it when most urgent). The second day onwards i was asked to take proper diet which consisted of Green gram/mung bean pulse only (moong daal) with very lightly made chapati. Yeah I remember ghee was not allowed, I mean no fatty things were allowed till 20 days of operation.
I missed out the reactions of the family members on the baby. The staff after taking baby out of the OT gave her to my mother-in-law, and she was so surprised to hold her.No one was thinking that she will be so different looking.All swollen up with big nose, pink lips, sucking hands, so pretty fair and pink. Once she was puzzled till the staff mentioned that its yours. No one was knowing how long it will take in OT so everyone was just in waiting mode and surprisingly the staff came along with baby in just 1 hour. My husband, S, he was so scared to hold her,took once in her hands on everybody's insistence and then having a look soon gave her to mother-in-law. He started waiting for me :)...yeah yeah i know he loves me so much... blush blush :) S clicked a video of the baby and that is the most valuable one for me.Seeing her the first thought clicked my mind was "Mere ghar aayi ek nanhi pari " and unintentionally she got named somewhere as Pari too !!. I can say that is the first look of hers which i have with my open eyes. The feeding and the night times were really tough for the person staying with me. On the delivery day everyone was there, but S insisted that he will stay with me and baby in the night, everyone should go and take rest. And that was such a tedious task for him to handle baby on the first night. As i was not moving, he had to do all the nappy changes, formula feeds, cleaning. He was not able to sleep whole night, as soon as he felt sleepy the baby pooped.Whole night went on like this, i felt so helpless and pity for S. Most important to mention till the baby become 1 month he was damn scared to hold her.Even today when she is 20 months old, anything out of the box happens he has to made first call to me instead of handling himself :P, i guess i am soon going to be a super mom ..hahahha..just kidding.
On the second day when doctor i mean the pediatrician came for a routine checkup of the baby.He just made everybody go in shock state mentioning his doubt that may be the baby is suffering from jaundice.I was like what he is saying. The nursing home where my baby was born did not have the nursery as it was the private nursing home of the well known gynecologist of our city. So, S and other members have to rush to hospital with the baby for getting the blood sample. Oh god, how the nurse in the nursery injected the needle in her hand first, but unsuccessful to get the sample, injected in her leg.As everybody told me how she was crying, it was tearing my heart :( .But thank god, the test reports revealed that my baby was healthy and fine..no jaundice.. But the pain which a 2 day old baby underwent was really heart breaking.
Finally came the morning and my mom, dad, and brother arrived..thank-god that my mom came over and stayed with me for nearly 10 days that is till i become able to do all my stuff by myself. And then the days started watching my baby growing, learning how to deal with babies, how to hold her, massage her, bath her, how to take care of her umbilical cord till it dries out and gets off etc etc..Many small small things i have learn , and even learning them today also.
Until i become normal and able to walk and move, it was my mom who did all stuff for my baby including her poops, pukes ( baby pukes at times after feeding),burps, oil massages, baby baths, to make her sleep in the night, to change her nappies, and many more endless things. The patience which my mom showed with me, and took care of both me and my baby..that is what makes a mom .."a mom". You cannot expect anyone else can do it for you.Loads and loads of love to my mom...PS: I am feeling extra loving while writing this post thats why spilling in between :D
Meanwhile, my maternity leaves were also ending up, and further no extension was given. I joined the office back on I guess 21st Nov 2012. Pari was taken care of by her grandparents. My 1.5 months was staying at home without her mom. It was just so hard on me that all the time leaving the job was the only option kept wandering in my head and heart. Luckily enough the sequence took place in such a manner that I finally quit the job to be with my baby. I really feel good that I took the right decision to stay with baby, today she has grown up in such a good kid.
So here ends up my whole so long long story..may be sound boring to you, but is way too close to my heart, my journey to motherhood, the memories i would never want to forget. And the last but not the least I love you my baby, my Pari and I love you mummy....muahh to both of you....unlimited hugs and kisses :)
The long nine months, the long days and nights of wait, uncertainty, emotional up-downs, family issues, understandings & misunderstandings, juggling in the office working hours, etc etc....and finally you arrived in my world making it all more beautiful, meaningful, joyful, everything which I was more worried about smoothly took a back seat..and you my baby became and will always be my first priority.
The first month, month of January 2012 , i felt all the way kind of dizzy, lost, not able to concentrate on most of the stuff, felt irking and irritating on all the small small matters ( which also gave rise to quite big problems for me later on) .My hidden emotional and sensitive side took a great toll over my mind, kind of drenched me totally. In January I was just doing things mechanically, get up, get tea and toast ready, take the breakfast, prepare the lunch( ofcourse i had to cook as there was no canteen in the office), catch the bus, reach the office ( i enjoyed being in office, where i was me, no burdens no nothing, only do your work and chill) and in the evening take cab at 8 or 8:30p.m and reach home by 9:30 or 9:45 p.m., then take dinner and go to sleep..Such a monotonous life i was having with many confusions. I was all puzzled with things in my life.
In the mean time it happened that my sister-in-law came to India, and she was expecting. A little similar symptoms striked the connection in me that may be I can be too expecting. So went for the checkup to doc and it was confirmed that I am pregnant :)
I was surprised and confused as this whole new chapter seemed too early for me...I was not mentally prepared for this transition.I was double minded, at one hand I wasn't ready and on the other hand i was not ready to make it as an end..So perplexed and kind of uncertain of what decision to take. I had full support of S in whatever decision I take. Seeing me so lost, he tried to suppress his joy and readiness to be a father. I can really see that he was happy to have the child. So finally, after all the battles in my head, I headed with the decision of continuing it further.
Rest all became history. Day by day i started monitoring your activities in me. When u first time moved inside me, when you didn't like the pizza i had and i had to throw up(vomiting) after eating, that feeling hungry in the late hours, those medicines, ultrasounds, routine medical checkups all occupied me so well that had nothing to concentrate on more.I decided to take leaves from office in the month of August, though you were due in September end. But you the naughty little one, I guess you didn't like the office and made me to take rest. So finally on 9th August I started my maternity leaves. Then started the desperate waiting period. I started counting on months, then weeks and then finally days for your arrival.
In the eighth month detected with low hemoglobin, so had to undergo medication with those scary drips. Then came the time when had less Amniotic fluid which again made me to undergo with the drips. Gosh, that was really scary for me as I had never gone with a drip in my body before it. Slowly slowly i would say the time passed by , and my sister-in-law gave birth to a baby boy. They were already knowing about the gender of the child as out of India its already informed by the doctors to the would be family.
I was uncertain of what I would have-a cutie baby girl or a naughty baby boy. Well I always wanted a baby boy, hold on..its not that i think girl child is some kind of burden, or my family was biased or blah blah..Nothing of this holds true. My family wanted more of the girl child and so S(my husband) too.But somewhere I was of the view emotionally that girls have to leave their parents ( i still miss my mom so much though i have my own child and family) and the boys (like my husband) live with parents. So selfish of me I wanted a boy just because he will not leave me...so funny logic, but that was all i had in my mind. I feared that if i had a girl child I may not be able to see her go away from me :)..By the way along with the passing time my views changed from having a baby boy to have a baby girl, who will be my confident and my freind like me and my mom. I started dreaming of making cute ponytails of my girl, buying cute dresses and frocks, making her sit on the platform while i prepare meals etc etc ...such a dreamland hahahaha.
Coming back from the choices part, the days passed and finally came the time when my child should have shown symptoms of its arrival.But I had no labor pains, no water broke, no nothing which made the doctor to get us done an ultrasound at the final time. In the ultrasound it was detected that there is not much of the opening space for the baby to come out normally as the child head is large as compared to the opening. Missed to mention that in the routine checkups also the baby head was not coming down at a required rate and time, so the doc told me to do some exercises also...by the way that also didn't help. The ultrasound reports declared that the baby is of 3.5 kgs, which made us to go with the fact that the normal delivery is not possible. Still the doc took some methods, gave medicines, injected the labor but of no use..The kid digested everything :D At the same time i was feeling angry with the doc as in every or other checkup she would say eat properly, the baby is not growing well, has less weight, has less movements..eat well eat well...and now what, the child is so heavy that it wont come out .Anyways, after all attempts in vain, we went for Caesarean delivery on 28th Sep 2012, Friday.
I still remember that day..on one hand I was happy that finally I will have my child in my hands, be it a boy or girl. I was way too nervous and scared as i have never been hospitalized before that day. The AC and the fans all were on in the hospital room, but I was sweating like anything. even the nurse calmed me seeing me sweating so much. and finally came the time when I was in the Operation theater(OT). All team welcomed me, asked me how I am. One of the funny things happened, the anesthetist asked me if i had something in breakfast, and i proudly said yes milk and cornflakes...he was surprised asked me who told you to eat it. I told him nobody told me what to eat or not :P . Finally he continued with his work, not to forget in OT the temperature was way too cold which made my sweating stop and me becoming normal.Then arrived my doctor(gynecologist) in the OT and put something on my eyes, i guess some cloth or dressing cotton it was. I was fully conscious , but not able to feel my lower body due to anesthesia. The doctor began the operation, and I was hearing everything which they conversed among them. It was like a never ending waiting zone going on, i was feeling bored that how long it will take. Finally came the moment when i heard the doctor commanding her staff to give the oxygen to the baby and clean it. Since i didn't hear any crying sound of my baby as seen in the movies i was a little scared that what happened.She said to give oxygen..is everything allright..All this stuff was going on in my head, in between i heard the crying sound of the baby, and then the baby started making noise of sucking something.The doc removed those thing from my eyes and i was able to see everyone. The staff showed me the baby, i was feeling too weak to see anything clearly or speak anything.I just asked the staff that what it is and they responded as 'Beti hai ( its a girl)'. With my blurr eyes i was able to see a white pink baby sucking her hands wrapped in a blue dress in the arms of the staff .After that they took her out of the OT and started preparing me also to take out of the OT.
After shifting me to the hospital room, i got to know that the baby is very fair in color with so much pinkness. She had so pink lips and was in her favorite mode of sucking hands. By the way she was full awake when i saw her, but i couldn't move so cannot take her in my hands. S put her near me on my bed but i was getting so drowsy that i cannot properly sink into that feeling of being a mom. That was the day when I was missing my mom so much right from the hospital room to OT and then back in room. Out in the hospital room, the full day i was kind of conscious and unconscious.The nurse came in and taught us to how to prepare the formula milk for the baby. Point to mention, I was allowed to feed the baby on the 3rd day that is the day on which i was discharged of the hospital. Only the day of operation, I was kept completely on drips, and medicines ...no food no liquids, not even water( can just have a few drops of it when most urgent). The second day onwards i was asked to take proper diet which consisted of Green gram/mung bean pulse only (moong daal) with very lightly made chapati. Yeah I remember ghee was not allowed, I mean no fatty things were allowed till 20 days of operation.
On the second day when doctor i mean the pediatrician came for a routine checkup of the baby.He just made everybody go in shock state mentioning his doubt that may be the baby is suffering from jaundice.I was like what he is saying. The nursing home where my baby was born did not have the nursery as it was the private nursing home of the well known gynecologist of our city. So, S and other members have to rush to hospital with the baby for getting the blood sample. Oh god, how the nurse in the nursery injected the needle in her hand first, but unsuccessful to get the sample, injected in her leg.As everybody told me how she was crying, it was tearing my heart :( .But thank god, the test reports revealed that my baby was healthy and fine..no jaundice.. But the pain which a 2 day old baby underwent was really heart breaking.
Finally came the morning and my mom, dad, and brother arrived..thank-god that my mom came over and stayed with me for nearly 10 days that is till i become able to do all my stuff by myself. And then the days started watching my baby growing, learning how to deal with babies, how to hold her, massage her, bath her, how to take care of her umbilical cord till it dries out and gets off etc etc..Many small small things i have learn , and even learning them today also.
Until i become normal and able to walk and move, it was my mom who did all stuff for my baby including her poops, pukes ( baby pukes at times after feeding),burps, oil massages, baby baths, to make her sleep in the night, to change her nappies, and many more endless things. The patience which my mom showed with me, and took care of both me and my baby..that is what makes a mom .."a mom". You cannot expect anyone else can do it for you.Loads and loads of love to my mom...PS: I am feeling extra loving while writing this post thats why spilling in between :D
Meanwhile, my maternity leaves were also ending up, and further no extension was given. I joined the office back on I guess 21st Nov 2012. Pari was taken care of by her grandparents. My 1.5 months was staying at home without her mom. It was just so hard on me that all the time leaving the job was the only option kept wandering in my head and heart. Luckily enough the sequence took place in such a manner that I finally quit the job to be with my baby. I really feel good that I took the right decision to stay with baby, today she has grown up in such a good kid.
So here ends up my whole so long long story..may be sound boring to you, but is way too close to my heart, my journey to motherhood, the memories i would never want to forget. And the last but not the least I love you my baby, my Pari and I love you mummy....muahh to both of you....unlimited hugs and kisses :)
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