Zindagi Everyday

Kido is getting sleepless day by day. Now she has started waking up in the middle of the night and wants to roam around in the house. Yesterday was such a bad night. There was power cut from 10:30 pm till 2:00 am..yeah you read it right. On the top of it, there was so much humidity in the weather that the only hope was the fan which was also running on the mercy of the inverter.

Pari slept at 10:15pm and waked up at 12:30 pm.due to humidity and sweating. She started calling me and got down from bed. I have to take her out in the balcony and pacify her in those wee hours. But she was nowhere sleepy and wanted to play and roam. Luckily weather was pleasant with some cool breeze. After much wait the power supply was resumed at 2:00 am. Thank-god the ac's got into action and we could finally sleep.The power cut in the sleeping hours is so unbearable :(

Sometimes some songs have so beautiful lyrics and music that they keep on empowering the mind and heart. Some lyrics just take you in the memory lanes which you ignored visiting. Many times the songs say all that you cannot.
These days in love with the song 'Chandaniya' from the movie '2 states'
Love these lines specially :

Tere bina o mahiya
Din dariya rain jazeere lagde ne
Adhuri adhuri adhuri kahani, adhoora alvida
Yuhi yuhi reh na jaye adhoore sada
Adhuri adhuri adhoori kahaani, adhoora alvitha
Yunhi yunhi reh na jaaye adhoore sadaa
Oh Chaandaniya to barse
Phir kyon mere hath andhere lagde ne
Kedhi teri narazgi
Gal sun le raz ki
Jism ye kya hai, kokhli seepi
Roo da motti hai tu
Garass ho jithni teri
Badle mein jindadi meri
Mere saare bikre suron se geet piroti hai tu
Oh mahiya tere sitham, tere karam
Dono lutere lagde ne 

Feeling like had so much adhoora adhoora in the memory lane.

Today I got a sipper, pretty pink goggles, and a set of spoon and fork for my kido. She is happy with her sipper, filled it with water and now roaming and sipping the water without spilling. Pari is a little reluctant to put the shades(goggles) as of now, but I am sure she will wear it once its sunny day ( she did the same with the caps also). The spoon and fork  are inaugurated with eating 'namkeen' with the spoon. Having this safe quality fiber fork has made me so relaxed. Now I am not feared that she may hurt herself with the fork as earlier she use to grab the stainless steel fork and put it in her mouth. I always had to keep an eye on her.
Sometimes to shop even the small small things can make you feel relaxed and safe. :)

In between the roles of a wife, dotting mother, and daughter-in-law, it is so hard to get to be a 'student' again. All the roles have its own responsibilities, timings, and tasks. Its not like to play one role I can ignore the other roles of my life. So in between all these tasks, hardly do i get the student time for me which is really very much required at this moment for continuation of my classes. I am so so lagging behind the schedule, need to patch up at the same pace. But when should it be done, so answer comes do it in night, is it really that i am free in the night hours? Yeah from 10 pm to 12 pm, atleast in this time period kido is in deep sleep. In this time period also 2-3 times i can hear kido calling 'mumma' and need to reach her to pacify her and make her sleep. So the student concentration goes bang. In all this exercise, the tired me also feels sleepy, and the end result is 'ah will do it tomorrow, feeling sleep' and the story ends :(

By the way in my previous post I had mentioned about the heat and the summers. It seems that the sun god has read my rantings about him, and decided to put a full stop on it. So the so hot hot sun god has gone on a long weekend vacation starting from Thursday itself. The all so hot weather is suddenly filled with so much of wind, rain, and clouds. Its so relaxing at this time, and the weekend has become so pleasant. Thankyou Sun god for your mercy on we the humans :)
Enjoyed rain and cool breeze with hot and spicy  onion and potato 'pakoras'.

'You must not be having good drawing, is it?' someone asked me , 'as your chapatis are not accurate and controlled'.....Hmmm, does this analogy makes any relevant sense. At-least I couldn't find any as I am not such a terrible chapati maker, but yeah the continuous pointing impacts my performance , also neither I am bad at drawings as i use to get always A+ or A++ grade in it. Or is it like i didn't chose painting or drawing as my hobby, or use to make rough sketches or faces while sitting idle ( this person use to draw something at times mostly a side face , which frankly speaking never seemed as a face to me :P ). Whatever !!! Isn't it enough that I am able to do the house hold chores along with routine cooking, knowing the fact that I never learnt anything during my schooling. It was same carefree life like boys attending classes, schools, colleges, offices equally. When girls spent the same time and activities like boys, then why it is expected from us to be master of kitchen. This is the irony.Girls should be all-rounder, perfect home maker, perfection in offices, perfect mother, perfect wife, and not to be forgotten perfect daughter-in-law. You make a mistake and the pin pointing will begin at every level. Although the disappointments caused to someone may not be communicated but the face expressions and activities make them sound and clear.

Scorching heat, so bold and shiny sun....the cherry on the cake "Power Cuts". 

These days I have joined some weekend classes to update my skillset and jump in the job market . While I am in the class, away from kido...she is taken care by her grandparents. The most relaxing part of this exercise to leave pari at home, is she doent throw much of tantrums, or cry out for mumma...She is fine till I reach home after finishing the class. And once I reach then she wants only me. 

Naughty kido..you cough and she will cough too, you clear your throat she will enact the same...Whenever I ask her if she wants something and say 'pakka' she will reply as 'hun' and 'pa pa' ( for pakka) { me all smiling now} :)

She so neatly tugs the washed laundry items to her tummy and place it where I have mentioned. Any deviation cant stop her from executing her task !!  

By the way just changed the template of my blog, kind of looking fresh.May be changes are something which should be at regular intervals..which applies to our lives too, some changes happen, new hopes, aims, aspirations, arrives automatically :)

PS: This is really a long long post as it is all about what i felt, or had gone through during the pregnancy till delivery, so read it at your own risk :)

The long nine months, the long days and nights of wait, uncertainty, emotional up-downs, family issues, understandings & misunderstandings, juggling in the office working hours, etc etc....and finally you arrived in my world making it all more beautiful, meaningful, joyful, everything which I was more worried about smoothly took a back seat..and you my baby became and will always be my first priority.

The first month, month of January 2012 , i felt all the way kind of dizzy, lost, not able to concentrate on most of the stuff, felt irking and irritating on all the small small matters ( which also gave rise to quite big problems for me later on) .My hidden emotional and sensitive side took a great toll over my mind, kind of drenched me totally. In January I was just doing things mechanically, get up, get tea and toast ready, take the breakfast, prepare the lunch( ofcourse i had to cook as there was no canteen in the office), catch the bus, reach the office ( i enjoyed being in office, where i was me, no burdens no nothing, only do your work and chill) and in the evening take cab at 8 or 8:30p.m and reach home by 9:30 or 9:45 p.m., then take dinner and go to sleep..Such a monotonous life i was having with many confusions. I was all puzzled with things in my life.
In the mean time it happened that my sister-in-law came to India, and she was expecting. A little similar symptoms striked the connection in me that may be I can be too expecting. So went for the checkup to doc and it was confirmed that I am pregnant :)
I was surprised and confused as this whole new chapter seemed too early for me...I was not mentally prepared for this transition.I was double minded, at one hand I wasn't ready and on the other hand i was not ready to make it as an end..So perplexed and kind of uncertain of what decision to take. I had full support of S in whatever decision I take. Seeing me so lost, he tried to suppress his joy and readiness to be a father. I can really see that he was happy to have the child. So finally, after all the battles in my head, I headed with the decision of continuing it further.
Rest all became history. Day by day i started monitoring your activities in me. When u first time moved inside me, when you didn't like the pizza i had and i had to throw up(vomiting) after eating, that feeling hungry in the late hours, those medicines, ultrasounds, routine medical checkups all occupied me so well that had nothing to concentrate on more.I decided to take leaves from office in the month of August, though you were due in September end. But you the naughty little one, I guess you didn't like the office and  made me to take rest. So finally on 9th August I started my maternity leaves. Then started the desperate waiting period. I started counting on months, then weeks and then finally days for your arrival.
In the eighth month detected with low hemoglobin, so had to undergo medication with those scary drips. Then came the time when had less Amniotic fluid which again made me to undergo with the drips. Gosh, that was really scary for me as I had never gone with a drip in my body before it. Slowly slowly i would say the time passed by , and my sister-in-law gave birth to a baby boy. They were already knowing about the gender of the child as out of India its already informed by the doctors to the would be family.

I was uncertain of what I would have-a cutie baby girl or a naughty baby boy. Well I always wanted a baby boy, hold on..its not that i think girl child is some kind of burden, or my family was biased or blah blah..Nothing of this holds true. My family wanted more of the girl child and so S(my husband) too.But somewhere I was of the view emotionally that girls have to leave their parents ( i still miss my mom so much though i have my own child and family) and the boys (like my husband) live with parents. So selfish of me I wanted a boy just because he will not leave me...so funny logic, but that was all i had in my mind. I feared that if i had a girl child I may not be able to see her go away from me :)..By the way along with the passing time my views changed from having a baby boy to have a baby girl, who will be my confident and my freind like me and my mom. I started dreaming of making cute ponytails of my girl, buying cute dresses and frocks, making her sit on the platform while i prepare meals etc etc ...such a dreamland hahahaha.

Coming back from the choices part, the days passed and finally came the time when my child should have shown symptoms of its arrival.But I had no labor pains, no water broke, no nothing which made the doctor to get us done an ultrasound at the final time. In the ultrasound it was detected that there is not much of the opening space for the baby to come out normally as the child head is large as compared to the opening. Missed to mention that in the routine checkups also the baby head was not coming down at a required rate and time, so the doc told me to do some exercises also...by the way that also didn't help. The ultrasound reports declared that the baby is of 3.5 kgs, which made us to go with the fact that the normal delivery is not possible. Still the doc took some methods, gave medicines, injected the labor but of no use..The kid digested everything :D At the same time i was feeling angry with the doc as in every or other checkup she would say eat properly, the baby is not growing well, has less weight, has less movements..eat well eat well...and now what, the child is so heavy that it wont come out .Anyways, after all attempts in vain, we went for Caesarean delivery on 28th Sep 2012, Friday. 

I still remember that day..on one hand I was happy that finally I will have my child in my hands, be it a boy or girl. I was way too nervous and scared as i have never been hospitalized before that day. The AC and the fans all were on in the hospital room, but I was sweating like anything. even the nurse calmed me seeing me sweating so much. and finally came the time when I was in the Operation theater(OT). All team welcomed me, asked me how I am. One of the funny things happened, the anesthetist asked me if i had something in breakfast, and i proudly said yes milk and cornflakes...he was surprised asked me who told you to eat it. I told him nobody told me what to eat or not :P . Finally he continued with his work, not to forget in OT the temperature was way too cold which made my sweating stop and me becoming normal.Then arrived my doctor(gynecologist) in the OT and put something on my eyes, i guess some cloth or dressing cotton it was. I was fully conscious , but not able to feel my lower body due to anesthesia. The doctor began the operation, and I was hearing everything which they conversed among them. It was like a never ending waiting zone going on, i was feeling bored that how long it will take. Finally came the moment when i heard the doctor commanding her staff to give the oxygen to the baby and clean it. Since i didn't hear any crying sound of my baby as seen in the movies i was a little scared that what happened.She said to give oxygen..is everything allright..All this stuff was going on in my head, in between i heard the crying sound of the baby, and then the baby started making noise of sucking something.The doc removed those thing from my eyes and i was able to see everyone. The staff showed me the baby, i was feeling too weak to see anything clearly or speak anything.I just asked the staff that what it is and they responded as 'Beti hai ( its a girl)'. With my blurr eyes i was able to see a white pink baby sucking her hands wrapped in a blue dress in the arms of the staff .After that they took her out of the OT and started preparing me also  to take out of the OT. 

After shifting me to the hospital room, i got to know that the baby is very fair in color with so much pinkness. She had so pink lips and was in her favorite mode of sucking hands. By the way she was full awake when i saw her, but i couldn't move so cannot take her in my hands. S put her near me on my bed but i was getting so drowsy that i cannot properly sink into that feeling of being a mom. That was the day when I was missing my mom so much right from the hospital room to OT and then back in room. Out in the hospital room, the full day i was kind of conscious and unconscious.The nurse came in and taught us to how to prepare the formula milk for the baby. Point to mention, I was allowed to feed the baby on the 3rd day that is the day on which i was discharged of the hospital. Only the day of operation, I was kept completely on drips, and medicines ...no food no liquids, not even water( can just have a few drops of it when most urgent). The second day onwards i was asked to take proper diet  which consisted of Green gram/mung bean pulse only (moong daal) with very lightly made chapati. Yeah I remember ghee was not allowed, I mean no fatty things were allowed till 20 days of operation.


I missed out the reactions of the family members on the baby. The staff after taking baby out of the OT gave her to my mother-in-law, and she was so surprised to hold her.No one was thinking that she will be so different looking.All swollen up with big nose, pink lips, sucking hands, so pretty fair and pink. Once she was puzzled till the staff mentioned that its yours. No one was knowing how long it will take in OT so everyone was just in waiting mode and surprisingly the staff came along with baby in just 1 hour. My husband, S, he was so scared to hold her,took once in her hands on everybody's insistence and then having a look soon gave her to mother-in-law. He started waiting for me :)...yeah yeah i know he loves me so much... blush blush :) S clicked a video of the baby and that is the most valuable one for me.Seeing her the first thought clicked my mind was "Mere ghar aayi ek nanhi pari " and unintentionally she got named somewhere as Pari too !!. I can say that is the first look of hers which i have with my open eyes. The feeding and the night times were really tough for the person staying with me. On the delivery day everyone was there, but S insisted that he will stay with me and baby in the night, everyone should go and take rest. And that was such a tedious task for him to handle baby on the first night. As i was not moving, he had to do all the nappy changes, formula feeds, cleaning. He was not able to sleep whole night, as soon as he felt sleepy the baby pooped.Whole night went on like this, i felt so helpless and pity for S. Most important to mention till the baby become 1 month he was damn scared to hold her.Even today when she is 20 months old, anything out of the box happens he has to made first call to me instead of handling himself :P, i guess i am soon going to be a super mom ..hahahha..just kidding. 
On the second day when doctor i mean the pediatrician came for a routine checkup of the baby.He just made everybody go in shock state mentioning his doubt that may be the baby is suffering from jaundice.I was like what he is saying. The nursing home where my baby was born did not have the nursery as it was the private nursing home of the well known gynecologist of our city. So, S and other members have to rush to hospital with the baby for getting the blood sample. Oh god, how the nurse in the nursery injected the needle in her hand first, but unsuccessful to get the sample, injected in her leg.As everybody told me how she was crying, it was tearing my heart :( .But thank god, the test reports revealed that my baby was healthy and fine..no jaundice.. But the pain which a 2 day old baby underwent was really heart breaking.
Finally came the morning and my mom, dad, and brother arrived..thank-god that my mom came over and stayed with me for nearly 10 days that is till i become able to do all my stuff by myself. And then the days started watching my baby growing, learning how to deal with babies, how to hold her, massage her, bath her, how to take care of her umbilical cord till it dries out and gets off etc etc..Many small small things i have learn , and even learning them today also.

Until i become normal and able to walk and move, it was my mom who did all stuff for my baby including her poops, pukes ( baby pukes at times after feeding),burps, oil massages, baby baths, to make her sleep in the night, to change her nappies, and many more endless things. The patience which my mom showed with me, and took care of both me and my baby..that is what makes a mom .."a mom". You cannot expect anyone else can do it for you.Loads and loads of love to my mom...PS: I am feeling extra loving while writing this post thats why spilling in between :D
Meanwhile, my maternity leaves were also ending up, and further no extension was given. I joined the office back on I guess 21st Nov 2012. Pari was taken care of by her grandparents. My 1.5 months was staying at home without her mom. It was just so hard on me that all the time leaving the job was the only option kept wandering in my head and heart. Luckily enough the sequence took place in such a manner that I finally quit the job to be with my baby. I really feel good that I took the right decision to stay with baby, today she has grown up in such a good kid.

So here ends up my whole so long long story..may be sound boring to you, but is way too close to my heart, my journey to motherhood, the memories i would never want to forget. And the last but not the least I love you my baby, my Pari and I love you mummy....muahh to both of you....unlimited hugs and kisses :)

Sometimes some people can really get on your nerves while driving. Take this scenario , you are taking the car out of the parking lot , climb up all the slope and as soon as you reach the entrance/exit at the level, some other big jerk get on your way, ask you to take the car back instead of taking this step himself just because he don't want to use the back gear in-spite of being on the level with the ground...Imagine a person climbing the slope where just leave the brake and car is all going downwards in seconds so speedily, should take a back gear to give the way to the fellow, who did not use his mind to think of the situation and acting like a smart guy...Jerk total jerk...Thanks to the perfect..touchwood driving skills of S that he balanced our car and drove safely....This is the type of situation where the aggressive skills of Delhi people are needed to teach the other one a good lesson, S is somewhat aggressive while driving, the other fellow commit the mistake and S will not tolerate. Well can be said that Perfection can't tolerate imperfection :)

If I would have been at S's place I would have never did it so safely.....remember I am a newbie for driving, i guess that smart jerk was of my category too :P

Argh..this sickness has left my kido on a low appetite. Hopefully she gets back on her normal diet soon. By each passing day kido is getting more active with her blabbers and actions. She can spent the full day without sleeping. Pari sleeps only 1 or 1:30 hour daily in the whole 12 hours daytime. Rest of the time she is busy engaging her grandparents and me in her playtime. As I already mentioned, she is such a good learner, touchwood.....she knows how to clean the floor with the broom, mop the water spilt on the floor, clean the washed utencils with dry napkin,wipe the floor with the wiper.use the knife and the peeler with vegetables ( I take precaution not to let her hold it long....result is crying and crying kido)..I mean you just name the task and she knows how to execute it..God knows how well she grasps all those stuff, just a look at our actions and she is there to do all by herself. She knows how her bed is made before mumma takes her to sleep,  so she will hold till that time. I just need to say baby 5 minutes wait and she will wait without making a fuss.But yeah dare you take long time than her patience, consequences are terrible including lying on the floor along with crying...a big big drama queen looking with the corners of her eyes if anyone is watching or not to make her demands fulfill....kind of emotional blackmail..

Nowadays she has started dancing with the music. She will do some footwork, and when I say round, she will start the circular motion with her tiny little feet.Not to forget all the spectators have to clap with this sequence :D Such a big attention seeker :D
When she knows everyone is watching her she will clap, feel shy , will scream in joy, will laugh deliberately, or will sit on her big air-chair, or collapsing in the bean bag...yeah u read it write she loves to get relax in bean bag. In her recent games, she has started playing with ball.

At this age, i should say that I am late in updating about this activity of hers.....She operates my mobile phone( galaxy note) with such a expertise. Many a times I get to know some of the phone features after watching her doing the stuff with the phone :P ..smart kid ;) She can successfully make calls to her papa, mama(my brother) by seeing the pictures attached with the mobile numbers, as she knows how to open the dialed list.Apart from making phone calls, she knows to put on the music player, you tube,some of her games,voice recorder,junk cleaner(the icon fascinates her so much that she puts her finger every time there).She forces me to open the lock on the phone screen throwing all her tantrums and drama..Luckily she has not started throwing the phone..Better to say my phone on Pari's mercy !!
Same applies with the TV remote and laptop too..She tries to put on the tv, change the channels ..holding it in elderly style like a pro...the day is not far when she will succeed doing it too. In case of laptop keyboard cannot rest till the time Pari is in action.She will open and close the laptop, try to put the cable in USB port,try to plugin the battery charger( applies to both, my phone and laptop) 

These are some of the development levels she has reached at this age of 20 months and 6 days.Many more to come, to be cherished and posted on this blog