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Everyday its the same story, either this or that tantrum, activity, attitude, blah blah (the list is endless) will trigger my anger button ON, and kaboom, there I am all yelling and scolding the little one. And what happens after that, its something which most parents can relate to, yes right the pathetic guilt feeling. When the senses are back to normal after the anger session, the very first question which pops in my head is, what did she do wrong, she is just a kid who wants to do something which is neither harming anyone nor difficult to execute.So why was there so much anger and what impact it would have caused on the little innocent mind of hers. At times I doubt if I am seriously a mommy material? I think this is high time for introspection to deal with this ANGER issue as its not healthy to anyone specially the little one.
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What impact does this anger causes on the mind of little kids , well as per my experience with my little one, she becomes sad that mamma is scolding and not allowing to do what she want, here not to forget her demand is fully logical and not out of the universe to fulfil. Her small demands are like she want to paint while its sleeping time, she want to do craft while its her study time and so on. Now the question arises why did I suppress her logical demand, my stubbornness is all I can think about as the culprit. As a mother what I am trying to do is impose my rules, my timelines, my choices and my routine on her, and when I see those not getting followed I just loose my temper.After a heated session, when I sit down to analyse why couldn't I accommodate her so simple demands, I found myself to be guilty. I missed out to apprehend that the child is also an individual with its own set of thoughts and choices. This is the stage where they are learning lifeskills, and surrender is ofcourse not a very good skill to practice.
No routine should be strong enough to suppress kids. As a parent I need to be flexible with my child. And since we both ( mom and the kid) are stubborn at our own fronts so my kid also knows how to get the demand done, the way is just go to grandparents and all well, phew can't hold her back then.
The other reasons of Anger issues arise when the demands are totally illogical. Yes illogical demands are also there which are just out of mind at times like want to go to shopping mall just now, want to go to buy toys just now or struck upon a particular toy, want that set of crayons even though previous ones are lying untouched at home. See these kinds of demand make parenting real mess. Giving in to those will result in getting her use to throw such tantrums on a regular basis, and if not giving in, then no other distraction is working well. Sometimes I have to give up (family pressure) , since I am a strict mother at these instances but can't help out when others too interfere. So my way to get through that situation is ok let me do what she says, and once she is calm we talk out the whole scenario ( my girl is 5 years old now and have good conversations), where I try to make the kid realise that its not good to throw tantrums as mamma-papa already fulfil her demands every now and then. Honestly, I am no saint so I do have my share of anger and yelling in this tantrum situation, but then the wise me awakes and asks me to just hold the child and love her, just calm her by any means. Finally when things are manageable , we sort out the tantrum, in the hope that it will not be repeated again in near future. Luckily my girl understands me and obeys till she want :)
In both the above mentioned situations, I never wanted to show my anger to the poor kid, but emotions are hard to deal with. The other suggested way includes just walk away from the situation, or keep mum for sometime ignoring the things which are raising the anger bar. For me it doesn't work, I want my kid to understand that what she is demanding is not fitting in the routine and should not be done. I do talk to my kid while keeping my anger in check. And finally when I am about to burst I go mum and walk away. In this way my kid is aware that something is not right to be done. Now the situation is passe, so whats our makeup part,its simple recipe, both mamma and baby go to park, play around and things are refreshed.
Well every child is unique and so every parent have their own tried and tested ways to deal with their anger issues and is commendable.
Some of the situations which trigger my anger also includes scarcity of my ME time, yes its very important for me to have my peace of mind while juggling between parenting, home management, teaching and so on, the list is endless. So how do I get my ME time without harming my kid's emotions and psyche are, engage the kid in something she loves to do, once she get engaged I get time for myself. Though there will be something or the other kid needs me to do for her, but is still manageable as compared to a total NO ME Time.
In all the scenarios mentioned above, either one of us who is in a better temperament ( me or my husband) become in-charge of the kid to rescue her from being the victim of anger at the moment, in the meantime anger subsides and the heart is filled with a genuine apology to the kid. Joint families are really a boon in these tricky situations when we can really take a deep breath and let it go, while our child is in safe hands.
These are some of my experiences with Anger triggers and managing the same, believe me I am trying to improve it everyday. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I fail. We are humans and bound to err. As I always say we( me, my husband, and my daughter) are growing together, she as an individual and we as parents. Who said Parenting is easy, its a lifelong process of learning. Happy parenting to all the wonderful families out there reading my blogspace 'Zindagi Everyday'.
Do comment your ways to deal with the anger, would love to try them out.
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